Everyone loves to be in love. It gives you an exhilaration like no other. However, there are times when you realize that being in love just isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

There are many reasons why a relationship might not work even though there is love between you. It could be that you love the other person, but they aren’t reciprocating. It could be that there is love between both of you but there are just too many obstacles to overcome. Stress over finances, family differences, cultural issues or societal expectations can all play a role in failed relationships.

A cousin married his bride quickly. They knew each other for about three months before getting married and both were cautioned by others about the rapid pace. They were in love. Now, three years later, they are getting a divorce. In speaking with the bride, she said they loved each other “but had different goals.” She didn’t elaborate.

A long-term relationship, marriage especially, deserves some thought beyond feelings. Being with a person for the rest of your life means you will go through storms and bliss, ups and downs. It’s best to think through all the practicalities of the relationship instead of just falling headfirst into love.

Here are five things you should ask yourself when you think you may be in love to determine if this relationship has what it takes to survive:

1. Do you feel good about yourself when you’re with this person?

A big red flag is being around them makes you feel insignificant or less than worthy. This could mean they are manipulative, narcissistic or controlling. People can use words to make others feel less than worthy. If you feel content and accepted, then great.

Along with that, your insecurities may be the cause of negative feelings. Determine if this is the case. If you have root security issues, try to work on those before getting involved with anyone.

Some people just aren’t suited for each other even though they love each other. This will pop up when you are around the other person and can contribute to how you feel when you are near them. If you are constantly trying to be something you aren’t or avoiding your feelings of isolation or insecurity, then there’s a good chance this person isn’t a good match.

2. Do they see my needs as important as their own?

This is a crucial point in today’s world. A truly loving relationship means both parties look after the needs of the other person as much as their own, if not more. If the other person doesn’t see your needs as important, brushes them off, or flat out ignores them, then you shouldn’t be with them. Otherwise, you will be doing all the giving and will never feel fulfilled.

3. Do you have the same core values?

This is probably the most important element in a successful relationship. Those who do not share the same core values are doomed from the start because it is these values that home and family are based upon.

Core values include things like:

Children, whether to have them and how to discipline them

Religion and how much effort should go into practicing it

Handling money and views on spending versus saving

Fidelity and what boundaries make for a faithful relationship

Family traditions and how to combine them into your home

Integrity and where lines are drawn

Health and how active you are in pursuing health

These are issues that are worth digging into before you get heavy into a relationship because they are the dealbreakers. Both may want children but have different ideas on how they should be raised and disciplined. One may want private school while the other may believe public school is the only way to go.

With religion, it isn’t enough to both be religious. There could be conflict over what denomination to join or how involved you should be with a church, synagogue, or mosque. Also, specific religious ideals should be discussed. You may be favorable to faith but open to others, but your partner believes in evangelical faith. This is, as the Bible says, “unequally yoked.”

Similar conversations need to flesh out money, fidelity, family traditions, integrity, and health. Generally, people may agree in principle on such matters, but implementing goals and plans is where two people can disagree.

For instance, a problem will arise if one person likes to spend money on luxuries while the other just wants to save. There will be a problem if one person thinks hanging out with friends of the opposite sex is fine while the other person thinks that is wrong. Some who are incredibly honest may have a problem if their partner puts in some tax deductions that aren’t valid. Someone who wants to go to the gym every day for a workout may find it taxing their partner won’t join them but once a month.

4. Is this a person that will be with me through the trouble?

There is a movie line from the “Love Comes Softly” series where a young woman faces a proposal from a gentleman. He, a rich man, tells her they can have a fabulous life. She replies she doesn’t want the promise of a fabulous life. She wanted someone who will walk through trouble with her.

There is a certainty of life. Trouble will come. There is a saying that goes you are either going into trouble, coming out of trouble or are in trouble. You need to evaluate whether this person you love has the staying power through all of life’s challenges.

5. Does this person improve your life?

This should be a fairly easy question to answer. Simply, is your partner helpful to you? Do they add to your life? Or do they leave you drained?

Answering this involves a couple of other thoughts. You need to know this person loves the real you, even the you that isn’t lovable. They need to be able to see you even on your darkest days and accept the totality of you that includes the quirky and ugly as well as your finer qualities.

Second, they need to be supportive of you reaching your dreams. This includes positive talk of your goals and also ways they find to help you reach your goals.

Finally, a question to ask is do they make you a better person? Their positive traits should be rubbing off on you as yours are improving their life.

Understanding that love is more than a feeling is important to finding the right person for a lifetime. Relying solely on the warm fuzzy feelings will always lead you down the wrong path to the wrong person. This is why most wedding vows state to enter into marriage “sober-minded” understanding all that is involved. If you can balance your feelings of love with a practical sense, you will find happiness in a relationship.

Anxiety, just reading the name alone can trigger its symptoms for so many of us!  The worry, fear, and nervousness are felt at multiples levels and can be expressed in a variety of ways.  Emotional expression of anxiety can be one of panic.  Mentally anxiety cause us to ruminate over our concerns causing a state of analysis paralysis.  Physically, hearts can race and breathing becomes shallower.  Our bodies can begin sweating, trembling and contribute to a lowering of our immune system.  The good news is that there are simple ways to help ease the effects of anxiety.  Read on, and try the following four ways to reduce the effect of anxiety in your life.

1. Don’t Forget to Breathe!

During an anxiety attack people become so consumed by their worries that they forget the simple act of breathing.  Although it may feel difficult, when the concerns start clouding your ability to be you, create a moment of rest and taking a mindful cleansing breath.  This act will shift your focus back to the present where you have the ability to take immediate steps to fix your issues.

If you have more time to devote to mindful breathing, consider creating a grounding mantra.  Mantras can help you settle more deeply into your breathing and allow you to experience greater relaxation.  Breathing exercises in general, allow people to focus more on the present and creates space to listen to one’s Inner Voice.

Begin by getting into a comfortable position and close your eyes.  Mindfully, inhale slowly and then exhale equally as slow through your nose.  Focus on this present moment.  Allow a mantra to come into your mind that brings you a sense of direction and comfort.  On your next inhale visualize the first half of the mantra.  On the next exhale visualize the second half.  Repeat tying your mantra to your breath for a few more cycles.  When you feel calmer, open your eyes, slowly release from your position, and return to your daily routine.

2. Nonjudgmentally Explore the Roots of Your Insecurities

Anxiety is a vicious cycle.  We worry and therefore release adrenaline that can tax our body and causes us to worry more.  We can be so caught in this loop that we fail to look at what is really bothering us and why.  To begin to ease the effects of anxiety we must understand what is really behind our concerns and why.  It is important to create space and time to explore your thoughts and feelings without feelings of shame or guilt.  One of the best ways to process your thoughts, feelings and emotions is by writing in a journal.  You might also find working with a therapist or trusted confidante to be especially helpful at not just understand what is going on in your mind, but how to create steps towards healing.

3. Understand What you Can and Cannot Fix

Do you often find yourself worrying about things that are illusions or unlikely to occur?  It happens to us all from time to time, but there is little benefit from focusing on unrealistic thoughts.  Instead of fixating on these nerve-wracking illusions, choose to focus on aspects of your life that are within your control.  The unknown is scary, but it also can provide us valuable lessons.  Greet the crossroads in your life with a sense of gratitude and preparedness.  By create small simple steps toward success on your journey you can help ease the “gremlins” or limiting beliefs in your mind.

Consider a fear of meeting a new person after being hurt in a previous relationship.  Begin by thanking the universe for no longer wasting your precious time and energy on an unfulfilling romance.  If you have one main interest that you couldn’t share with your last partner consider focusing your dating search around this key passion of yours.  This way instead of feeling anxiety prior to a date and being consumed by thoughts of if and how this new person could hurt you, you can breathe and focus on how this new person experience joy from your shared passion.  By centering your attitude around positivity, you can feel more in control and peaceful when facing a new scenario.

4. Ground Yourself!

If you find your anxiety spiking, breathe and focus your attention onto something that brings you peace.  Try listening to music, going for a walk, meditating. or being creative.  By finding enjoyment and peace you can better regulate your heartrate and breathing.  Soon you will find your concerns being transformed into something more productive, and you can begin to heal yourself in a proactive way.

Stress is just a part of life. It affects your overall well-being. You won’t always have control over your circumstances, but you can control your response to them. It helps to have effective techniques to relieve stress, but unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all method. Besides, what works when you’re at home may not be usable when you’re working or running errands.

So, it helps to know of multiple stress relief techniques that work for you. This will allow you to choose the technique that will work best in whatever your current situation may be.

All-Purpose Stress-Relief

The best stress relief techniques can be practiced anywhere, don’t cost anything, take little practice to master, and bring about immediate relief.

Here are five common techniques that fit those requirements:

1. Visualization

Visualization simply involves imaging yourself in your “happy place.” It’s like a short vacation in your mind. To practice visualization, simply close your eyes and imagine yourself in a peaceful setting. Focus on each sensory experience, and let yourself feel as if you’’re actually there. For example, picture yourself sitting on a beach. Hear the waves, smell the ocean, and feel the warm sand beneath you. After a few minutes, just open your eyes and return to the present.

2. Meditation

There are many different meditation techniques. You may develop a mantra to repeat mentally as you take deep, slow breaths. Or practice mindfulness, which focuses your awareness on the present moment, leaving no room for rumination about past events or for worry over the future.

3. Release Muscle Tension

Recognizing and addressing muscle tightness and tension allows you to relax more easily. Progressive muscle relaxation is the group-by-group relaxation of all of your muscles. To practice, take a few deep breaths. Then, tighten and relax each muscle group, starting with your toes and moving up to your forehead.

4. Just Breathe

Focusing on your breathing calms your brain and your body in just a couple minutes, and nobody else will know you’re doing them. So, breathing exercises can help reduce your stress even if you’re in a stressful meeting or a crowded theater. Here are two simple breathing exercises:

• Inhale through your nose and count slowly to three as you fill your lungs with air. Hold for one second, then count slowly to three again as you breathe out through your nose.
• Breathe in through your nose while imagining you’re inhaling calm, peaceful air. Visualize that air dispersing throughout your body. As you breathe out, imagine that you’re exhaling tension and stress.

5. Go for a Walk

Taking walks will treat you to a change of scenery, getting you into a fresh frame of mind. They also include the benefits of exercise. Whether you take a break from a frustrating task by strolling around the office, or you decide to meander through a park after dinner, walking will reinvigorate your body, mind, and spirit.

At-Home Stress-Relief

These three stress relief techniques will help you relax when you’re in the privacy of your home:

1. Physical Touch

Physical touch, such as snuggling with or hugging a loved one, is an underrated way to reduce stress. Snuggling releases oxytocin, which is nicknamed the “love hormone.” Oxytocin raises happiness levels while lowering stress levels, decreasing blood pressure, and reducing stress hormones.

2. Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy helps you feel energized, more relaxed, and more present in the moment. And certain plant extracts and essential oils affect brain waves and reduce stress hormone levels. Aromatherapy can involve candles, diffusers, and body products.

3. Be Creative

Creating artwork has a meditative effect. Being creative is easy for children, but it’s not too late for adults to start. Try painting or drawing, or color in a coloring book. Anxiety levels decline when people color complex geometric patterns, which makes coloring an excellent stress-reducing activity.

Long-Term Stress-Relief

It’s important to create a lifestyle that will help you face challenges and combat stress in a healthy way.

These six habits promote stress resilience and increase general wellness:

1. Eat Well

An unhealthy diet brings greater susceptibility to stress. Comfort food, high-sugar, and high-fat foods provide temporary stress relief, but only compound long-term stress. Refined carbohydrates, such as sweets and salty snacks, cause blood sugar to spike. When blood sugar levels inevitably crash, many people experience increased anxiety and stress. A healthy diet helps combat stress. Foods like fatty fish, leafy greens, and nuts and seeds help balance energy, reduse tension, and regulate moods.

2. Take Time Off

Leisure activities are a great way to reduce stress. Including downtime in your schedule will help you feel your best. Leisure time will make your work time more productive, because when people feel good, they function more efficiently.

3. Speak Positively to Yourself

Self-talk matters. Self-criticism and self-doubt are never helpful and only serve to stress you out. Talk to yourself in a compassionate, more realistic manner. Instead of calling yourself names or doubting your ability to succeed, engage in a gentler inner dialogue. This will help you develop a more positive outlook and successfully manage your emotions.

4. Practice Yoga

Yoga combines physical movement, meditation, light exercise, and controlled breathing, all of which provide physical, psychological, and spiritual benefits. You’ll definitely reap benefits from doing yoga once. But consistently incorporating yoga into your life will yield long-term benefits. To get started, enroll in a class, explore an online program, or find a yoga app.

5. Be Grateful

Expressing gratitude makes you conscious of everything you have in your life to be thankful for. Ponder all of the good things, even if they seem insignificant: It’s a sunny day. You safely got to work. Make it a habit to express what you’re thankful for. Start a gratitude journal, or discuss gratitude with your family as you sit together at dinner.

6. Exercise

Physical activity improves mental health and helps manage stress. There are many ways to incorporate physical activity into your day—join a gym, take a class, or exercise outside.

Finding your optimal stress relief strategies will take time and practice. But it’s important to have techniques to successfully navigate the unavoidable ups and downs of life.

Negative patterns are habits and behaviors that hold us back from accomplishing all that we want and make it hard for us to develop and have self-realization. Regardless of who we are or what we do, we all possess them as they are part of everyday life. Our success and well-being depend on us releasing these unproductive patterns, it doesn’t matter who we are.  I am going to help you understand why we have bad patterns and how we can use skills to release them.

Negative patterns. Below are a few examples of negative patterns. You may possess some of these:

• Having negative thoughts
• Not paying attention
• Avoiding responsibility
• Blaming and criticizing others
• Agreeing to all assumptions
• Not embracing transformation
• Not valuing yourself
• Complaining
• Overthinking
• Not eating healthy
• Addiction
• Being indecisive
• Lack of self-control
• Withdrawing
• Ineffective communication
• Being disorganized
• Procrastinating

Prepare a list of your negative patterns and be ready to be truthful. You can seek opinions from friends if you want to spot them, but I’d also suggest practicing mindfulness so that you can pay much attention to your thoughts and habits without discriminating or judging them.

Other times these negative patterns are just part of us but we do not want to embrace them and therefore decides to project them to others. Due to this, we need to develop self-acceptance and take responsibility for the bad and the good things in our lives. Mindfulness helps us to accept rather than live in denial.

 Why we have negative patterns?

Negative patterns give us feedback on our personal growth and self-development. Instead of seeing them as faults, we can see them as benefits, something we can benefit from.

We can learn through self-awareness how to identify something better for us when we have negative patterns. Just like muscles, our personalities also use resistance to grow.