The phrase “star-crossed lovers” has been used often throughout the centuries. But the questions remain the same: Is it really in the stars? Or is it just in your head?

Hippocrates, Chaucer, and Shakespeare all seemed to acknowledge the concept of a predestined, inescapable, unalterable fate between two lovers, like a knot firmly tied by the gods. The concept of having control over your own fate is a tantalizing one. But add modern science and a touch of wishful thinking, and you may realize that you are prey only to your own intentions.

When it comes to relationships, we should consider looking to the planets to lead the way, but there is a catch. The astrology most people interact with on a daily basis is confined to just “sun signs,” and that’s where the confusion comes in. You can’t determine somebody’s personality out of just 12 choices. Your “sun sign” is just one aspect of a far more complex birth chart that also includes your moon sign, your rising sign, lunar nodes, and positions of the planets in the “houses,” among other factors.

The Four Elements and Sun Signs

When considering compatibility in romantic relationships, there are four elements involved. General compatibility exists between people who share complementary sun sign elements. The Fire element signs are Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. Earth element signs are Capricorn, Taurus, and Virgo. Air element signs are Gemini, Aquarius, and Libra. And Water element signs are Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio. So compatibility exists between water and earth; water and water; fire and air; fire and fire; and so on.

Your sun sign is based on the date you were born. It’s the sign people generally refer to when they read daily horoscopes. For instance, if you’re a Leo, that means that the sun was crossing through the Leo constellation at the time of your birth. The sun sign is your identity, your sense of self, and the way you express yourself when you feel content and at ease.

Compatibility between two people’s sun signs indicates basic affinity. Signs of the same element are compatible. For example, a Sagittarius and an Aries will both bring fire, representing action, intention, and enthusiasm, to the relationship. But sometimes attraction is sparked in somebody different from you. Tremendous passion can build between a Leo and a Scorpio, for example, because the differences between the signs can be quite thrilling. Tension can build higher levels of excitement in a relationship.

Moon Signs

Your moon sign is determined by the position of the moon at the moment of your birth. It governs your innate, essential needs and is representative of your family (especially your mother) and your home environment.

Regarding relationships, compatibility between moon signs is positive. For instance, if your moon sign is Pisces, a water sign, you might find that your needs are met very well by a Scorpio, another water sign. In more committed relationships, moon signs are especially significant. The moon sign is your instinctive nature. It reflects how you prefer to meet your needs and what you’re emotionally comfortable with. If you’re seeking a long-term relationship, your moon sign should be compatible with your partner’s.

Rising Signs

Your rising sign, also known as the Ascendant, is determined by the sign of the Zodiac that was rising or “ascending” on the eastern horizon at the moment of your birth. This sign is generally understood as the first impression you present, or what people notice when they first meet you. It’s like a mask, or how you express yourself new situations.

Regarding relationships, since the rising signs of two people governs their initial attraction to each other, this is one area in which compatibility between the elements is not necessary. In fact, a degree of tension can be a positive thing. As the old expression goes, “opposites attract.” So somebody who has their ascendant in Aries may be attracted to a Capricorn, and vice-versa. The rising sign is opposite to the partnership house, or the marriage house.

Nodes

Lunar nodes aren’t classified as signs. Rather, they’re the mathematical, astronomical points at which the orbit of the moon crosses the sun’s path on the celestial sphere, the “ecliptic.” The nodes exist on an axis and are determined by the exact position of the moon and the sun at the moment of your birth. The southern node shows the accumulation of habits and knowledge from your family lineage, like what you have, what you’ve accomplished, and the things you already know. It represents past-life connections The northern node represents where you’re going, what you need to move toward, accomplish, and achieve. It demonstrates what you’re trying to fulfill in your life. The two nodes are on an axis, so they’re always opposites.

In regards to relationships, the nodes should be associated. If your nodes overlap, there’s a good chance your paths will cross. The nodes dictate the idea of fate, and if there’s karma to be worked out in this lifetime. Romeo and Juliet, for example, certainly would have had nodal associations.

With all that said, don’t outright dismiss a potential romantic relationship based on somebody’s sun sign, their moon sign, or their ascendant. They may have other planets or elements that line up with yours. It’s an involved and complex science. The more you study it, the more precisely you can reach conclusions.

Dear Readers,

Scenarios like this happen far too often: a gunman injures and murders multiple people just for being different from him. If the gunman survives, he’s often charged with a federal hate crime, defined by the FBI as a crime based on biases against something about the targeted victim, such as their race, religion, sexual orientation, and so on. Essentially, they have so much hate towards something about the victims that they take violent and deadly action.

Why? Who could do something like that?

Finding answers is a complex task. You could spend an entire lifetime attempting to come to an understanding of human personality. But for those who asked if some understanding might be gained from the Five Elements Philosophy, I’d like to offer these thoughts.

The Five Elements Philosophy categorizes people into five general personality types based on factors such as their life focus, their priorities and needs, their vulnerabilities, and so on. This philosophy also takes key relationship dynamics among the five elemental personality types into consideration. It’s these relationship dynamics that relate to hate crimes, which are rooted in how people relate to other people.

The Five Elements personality types are defined by their similarities and differences across an array of traits. For those of you not familiar with them, I’ll summarize the basics.

• Water personalities are focused on exploring philosophy and inner wisdom. When out of balance, they tend to become solitary and reclusive.
• Wood personalities are focused on accomplishment and success in the physical world. When out of balance, they tend to become abusive and angry.
• Fire personalities are focused on celebrating and enjoying. When out of balance, they tend to become hysterical and panicked.
• Earth personalities are focused on relationships with friends, family, and home. When out of balance, they tend to become timid and codependent.
• Metal personalities are focused on acquiring and sharing knowledge. When out of balance, they tend to become dismissive and erudite.

If something they highly value was threatened, each of these personality types is capable of committing a crime. But the horrific act of murdering another person would be difficult for somebody with Earth as their personality type, because Earth personalities are usually gentle, caring people. Fire personalities would also not be likely to commit a hate crime because their gregarious, upbeat personalities tend to make them friends to everyone. And a Water personality would not be likely to become violent because they tend to live most of their lives inside of their heads. The remaining two elemental personality types, Metal and Wood, would be most likely to take violent action against another person, but for significantly different reasons.

Metal personalities firmly respect the concept of right and wrong, so deeply felt righteous indignation may compel them to descend from their ivory tower to take on an offender. The type most likely to elicit such a response from a Metal personality is a Wood personality. Metal and Wood personalities relate to each other based on control—it’s Metals’ role to make sure Woods stay in line. And based on their compulsion to be right, a Metal could turn to violence if motivated strongly enough by a need to maintain control.

Wood personalities can be driven by their desire to acquire things or accomplish goals, so they may choose to take action against somebody who they perceive is standing in their way. The type most likely to elicit such a response from a Wood personality is a Metal personality. Once again, this relates to the control aspect of Metal’s role to keep Woods in line. Woods could turn to violence or commit a crime if sufficiently enraged over being stopped or held back.

There’s also another dynamic at play between Metals and Woods. Their energy flows are diametrically opposed. Wood represents energy that’s gearing up towards a maximum expression, while Metal represents energy that’s slowing down towards a minimum expression. The tension created can cause a definite disparity between Metals and Woods that could veer in an unhealthy direction. It’s not a surprise that Woods can perceive Metals as aloof and snobby, while Metals can view Woods as pushy and bombastic.

I’m certainly not suggesting that all of the world’s criminals are either Wood or Metal personalities But based on our current culture’s influence forcing possessions, acclaim, and success to have a profound effect on our sense of self, these the two elemental personalities are the ones I believe to be the most likely to veer towards the behavior we describe as hate crimes.

It’s also important to note that everyone has energies of all five elements in our personalities. Yes, that means everyone has Wood and Metal energies inside them. Even if they’re not our main elemental component, they are present and could be triggered in stressful times. Working to keep our energies balanced will ensure that we don’t unintentionally trip others up.

This simple daily exercise will help keep your personality energies balanced within yourself. First, place the tips of your thumbs on the outer corners of your eyes and rest your fingertips on your forehead. Breathe normally and stay in this position for one to two minutes. Then rest your left palm on top of your head and your right palm across your forehead. Breathe normally and stay in this position for one to two minutes more.

These times are difficult for many people. I hope everyone is able to find ways to participate in the solution, instead of adding to the problems. Blessings and peace to all.

Love, Toria

My blog post today is an answer to similar emails sent by several readers. They wrote:

Dear Toria, I can’t my grandkids won’t be with me for Christmas. Why would their parents take them on a vacation now?

Dear Toria, I want to skip my company’s holiday party. How can I get out of it?

Dear Toria, My wife is obsessed with buying the perfect gift for her best friend. How do I convince her that gifts aren’t the point?

Dear Toria, I’d like to host my family’s holiday gathering this year. I know that I throw the best parties, but my brother thinks they’re too loud. Who’s right?

Dear Toria, My husband and I have always had a quiet, intimate New Year’s Eve celebration. But now he wants us to go to his friend’s house instead. Wait, what?

I hope that they, and you, find my answer helpful:

Dear Readers: Each year, I receive an abundance of letters asking how they can best address issues related to the holidays. The holidays are replete with meaning and tradition, guaranteeing that fun and ceremony will co-mingle with dashed expectations and pushed buttons.

To help keep relationships healthy and happy throughout the holidays, following is my brief summary of things that matter the most to each of the Five Element personalities, and things that don’t. There are also some suggestions about how to keep the holiday season joyful for everybody.

• Water Personalities: In the Five Elements Philosophy, the hustle and bustle of the holiday season falls within Water time, at least in the northern hemisphere. Winter is generally a time for contemplation and quiet, setting the tone for Water personalities’ lives.

Water personalities appreciate the true meaning of the holiday season. They may participate in events that they think are important, but you might still have to coax them to join. When they show up, help them feel comfortable and welcome by finding a smaller group of similar people with whom they can engage in meaningful conversation. Be gentle with Water personalities and keep in mind that if the event gets too intense, they may float off to a quieter location for a bit. Time alone is still of paramount importance to Water personalities.

• Wood Personalities: Wood people approach planning for the holidays with zeal and zest. There make lists for gifts, set deadlines for shipping and mailing, schedule events, and so on. Woods are driven to do this to help keep the holidays from feeling too chaotic to them. In the Five Elements Philosophy, Wood is the channel between Water and Fire, or mystery and celebration. More than at most other times, Wood personalities need influence from both Water and Fire during the holidays. Business shouldn’t be an issue for them, but they’ll still need down time.

Whatever they do, if a Wood spins out, remind them that gifts and events mean less to people than the true spirit of the season. And if you want a Wood person to enjoy a holiday event that they didn’t plan, give them a role to make them comfortable and to ensure that they have a good time.

• Fire Personalities: Having a Fire personality around guarantees liveliness and happiness. In the Five Elements Philosophy, Fire relates to summer, which is a season of abundance, merriment, and action. Winter can be a dreary time for Fires, to the chance to get together with other people and celebrate for any reason during the holidays is generally quite welcome. Parties are fun, spontaneity abounds, and everything is awesome during the holiday season for the majority of Fire personalities. If they have the opportunity to connect with other people and to be at the center of attention, they’ll usually be happy.

With that said, Fire personalities may need help setting boundaries when it comes to how many events they can participate in and keep their sanity. If you offer this help, your Fire family and friends will be able to light up the holiday season without literally burning themselves out. Fire is about transformation and inspiration, so don’t be too surprised if Fire personalities are particularly drawn to events that inspire action or have a cause.

• Earth Personalities: Most holiday events involve gatherings with friends and family, which is important to Earth personalities. Almost every gathering includes food—especially sweets—which is akin to Earth heaven! Long-term connections are deeply important to Earth people, so their activities during the holiday season will focus on spending time with their loved ones.

Earth personalities love to give hand-made gifts, so be patient and let them express their love. But help them avoid becoming overwhelmed by reminding them that bigger does not necessarily equal better. In the Five Element Philosophy, Earth represents balance. But even Earths can overdo things.

• Metal Personalities: During the holiday season, Metal personalities may need help to get into the holiday spirit. They may see frivolity as a waste of time. But they’re kind people who bring much wisdom to gatherings, so coax them into joining and everyone—even the Metals—will be glad that they did.

Metal holds the last elemental position, so Metals can usually manage transitioning to a new year fairly easily. But sometimes, being reminded of somebody who’s no longer with them, or ending a year, can make a Metal person sad. The best way to help Metals avoid this is to include them in holiday activities where Earths can nurture and feed them, and Fires can enchant and delight them. The Metal may protest, but holiday gatherings are generally good for them.

The bottom line is that inherent in each Five Element personality are both positives and negatives. With this knowledge, we can enjoyably interact with everybody, and deepen our relationships as we do. And that’s certainly something we can be thankful for. Happy Holidays, everybody!