Forced Love Isn’t Lasting Love

Love is a force that can blind us to reality.  Often, we see what we want and fail to listen to advice from others.  When love gets tricky, we become consumed with the issue to the point we struggle to identify any solutions.

This is particularly true when you find yourself in love with someone who is unable to fully return your affection.  This doesn’t always mean that they don’t want to, but more that they are unable to at this particular life stage.

You might find yourself begging for affections, crying out of frustration and able to talk to everyone about your woes, but them.  Consider how much they are able to listen and respond to you when you bring up these issues to your so-called partner.  Are you able to actually hear what they are saying to you?  Or do you become so consumed by waiting to hear what you want to hear.

Instead of focusing on how they are treating you, look instead at how you are treating yourself.  Are you acting like you love and respect yourself?  Are you turning down opportunities to spend time with your family and friends?  Are you able to be present in your work and community projects, or are you rushing home to attend to their needs?  It is important for you to take stock of your life and your needs and ensure you aren’t shortchanging yourself in order to try to make your “love” happy.

Choose to take a step back and focus on your physical and emotional needs first.  Get the appropriate health care team in place and work their program.  Next, make sure you are meeting all your work and volunteer obligations.  By focusing on yourself, you can more clearly see how this person fits into your life and whether they contribute to your well being.

If someone truly loves you, they will want you to be healthy and happy on your terms.  They will be actively invested in helping you maintain being a healthy individual.  Without the ability for you both to be healthy individuals, you will face unnecessary strain in your relationship.  Love means being aware of your individual needs and goals, while seeing your partner for who they are and not who you expect them to be.

If you are struggling in your relationship, you need to let go.  When you relinquish the need for control you can begin to understand that you are only able to be responsible for your actions and no one else’s.  Your partner’s shortcomings aren’t your burden to bear, but there’s.  When you see their shortcomings, you have a choice on how you act.  You can discuss your feelings, thoughts and perspectives with them, but afterwards it’s on them to implement behavioral changes and you must be accountable for your side of the dynamic.  If you still can’t work through the issues, even with professional help, consider that it might be time to end the romance.  It will ultimately be better for you to be friends than toxic lovers.

One of the greatest gifts we are giving in life is the gift of freewill.  No one ever wants to feel like a caged animal, or like they can only be loved conditionally.  The more and more we grasp at something, the fast we will fatigue and find that treasured item slipped from our exhausted grasp.

Listen and trust your inner wisdom.  If you feel like something is off, then it probably is.  You deserved to be loved passionately and without limits.  You deserve to have a true partner that can be your biggest cheerleader and staunchest advocate.  If they give you criticism, it should come from a loving place that helps you evolve into the best version of you possible.  They should be able to freely receive your love and affection.  They should be able to listen and process your feedback to be a strong individual and contribute to a healthy union.  Never waste time on a love that doesn’t fully respect you.  Those are hours and tears that you can never get back and will only serve to distract you from living a fulfilling existence.

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